Infertility is unlike anything I have been through- it’s the only time per se that everything was out of my hands. It’s a process that made me rely on modern medicine, doctors, and prayers to fulfill my wish of being a mother. I tried to stay positive, but I had already experienced two miscarriages. I would get mad when seeing friends pregnancy announcements- knowing that was not the right heart but wanting a baby so bad for myself.
I told the doctor I would give it one more shot and I was done trying- physically and emotionally I could not keep on losing babies. Everyone is different, but I was willing to give it 3 tries. Our third time we got past 12 weeks, and then it kept on going, not without anxiety every time I didn’t feel her move or when they would start up the ultrasound machine. And then on December 14th our prayers and hopes were fulfilled with a baby girl.
The advice I would give, would be to not let anyone tell you what to do; it’s your body and your journey. You know your personal limits, and no one knows what it’s like unless you are in that infertility journey at the time. I still think back to crying in the bathroom just desperate to not start miscarrying again, and there is nothing that anyone could tell me that would have made me feel better.
It’s easy for me on this side of now having two healthy babies to say I’d do it all
again, but if you would have asked me the night I started miscarrying my second
baby, I never would have imagined being on this side of the story. It’s hard. It’s
stressful. You say you won’t do certain things or spend “x” amount of money, but in
the journey you end up changing your mind because the end result could be a
human you can hold and that will be apart of you forever.
I would encourage you to journal during your time, I didn’t do this so now I rely on
memory and really wish I could have a day by day account of everything to share
with my kids one day.
After several rounds of chemotherapy treatment in my early 20s, Trey and I knew getting pregnant would be a long and tough road. We were given less than a 10% success rate even with IVF. After 3 failed IVF treatments, one of which meant traveling across the country to receive treatment, we were devastated and defeated. A few weeks following
our last failed IVF treatment, as my body was recovering from a long year of fertility interventions, we were shocked to find we became pregnant on our own. We ecstatically welcomed our little boy, Noah, in July 2017. There’s no doubt in our minds that fertility treatments prepared my body for pregnancy. Facing infertility and going through the grueling treatments were some of the hardest and most devastating times in my life. It was brutal on both my mind and my body. The journey to become a parent for those who face infertility regardless of how you become a parent (by birth, adoption, or if you have exhausted all of your options and decide to close the door to becoming a parent altogether) is not for the faint of heart and often comes with an enormous amount of grief and loss.
Surrogacy in Photos
All photos in this post are from Megan Tsang Studio. They are used with permission from the photographer as well as the families involved.