This is a short, but oh-so-sweet, post. I’ve posted about my previous miscarriages and shared a little about that journey. It’s been upsetting, maddening, and downright sad at times. Sometimes you just need some good news. I finally received mine on March 15th. I’m pregnant, and this is the furthest I’ve made it in a pregnancy. Coincidentally, Mother’s Day marks the beginning of my second trimester. I feel like I finally found my rainbow through the rain.
I am feeling pretty elated, as one might imagine. The fact that this is a milestone pregnancy, time-wise, for me is incredible, but when I first saw that positive result, I wasn’t as excited. My first thought was, “Here we go again.” That sounds awful, but I think that was just a way of my brain attempting to protect itself from another potential loss. I kept the news very quiet, so as to not have to answer a ton of questions or give explanations if another miscarriage were to happen. But naturally, there was a slight excitement underneath all that cautiousness.
As time seemed to crawl its way to my first ultrasound, my anxiety and prayers increased. I’m pretty sure I sounded like a broken record to the Big Man upstairs. You know what helped calm me down? Finally hearing my baby’s heartbeat. That was the most incredible experience I’ve ever had. And my head didn’t know what emotions to emit. So, I said something very poignant and classy like, “Holy crap! That is so cool!” through tears. My anxiety is a lot less as this pregnancy progresses, but my prayer count is just about the same. I’m trusting fate and God more as I truly believe that all of my broken-record prayers worked to bring me this gift.
This baby is already so loved, and I can’t wait to experience all the firsts (good and bad) that babies bring! More updates to come as my rainbow baby grows.