Saying Goodbye to Mothering an Only Child

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My only child will soon become a big brother . . .

Saying goodbye to mothering an only child - just Quinn and Mommy for almost five years

With the arrival of a child, whether through pregnancy, surrogacy, or adoption, there’s always anxiety. 

What will this new child be like? How will you adjust to motherhood? Will this child drastically change the dynamic of your family? Will there be any underlying factors that could make your child’s future unsure?

As I get closer and closer to my due date (less than a week away!), my mind has shifted to: what’s this new child going to do to my son? How will I change from a mother of one, to a mother of two? Will my patience grow or shorten? Will I still have time for all the things my firstborn loves to do? Can I still make him feel loved with a new baby in the house?

Just the Two of Us

For almost five years, it’s been the “Quinn and Mommy Show”. I’ve spent more time with my son than I have my own husband most weeks. We have our own system of give and take. We have a routine. And when the day allows me to be carefree, I typically spend it doing the things my son wants to do.

saying goodbye to mothering and only child - Quinn and Mommy

Sure, you could say I’ve spoiled him. But what parent hasn’t spoiled their firstborn?

Now, the panic . . .

A new baby is coming. A BABY! Someone who will require the majority of my time, energy, money . . . even my body!

Is it selfish to wonder how this new tiny person will affect my relationship with my son? My firstborn? A person whom I consider to be a best friend?!

*Insert face palm emoji*

It does seem ridiculous. But these are real fears that I know many women have faced and overcome.

My mom was terrified she could never love another child as much as she loved me. But then my siblings were born, and when I asked her about her fears, she responded with words I think about every time my anxiety gets the best of me:

“The love is different. Of course I love all my children, but each of my children are different, and I love them in different ways. How you needed to be loved and how I raised you are not the same ways I raised them. Each child brings something different out of you, and I never felt that I loved one more than the other. I need all of you to be the mom I am now”.

Moms, how did you feel with the arrival of children after your firstborn?

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Brittany B
Brittany is a 27-year-old wife and mother to her loving husband Ian, 4-year-old son Quinn, and future daughter Aurora (due August 1st!). Brittany settled in Birmingham in 2004 after traveling the States and parts of Europe as an Army brat. Although she originally worked with children as an art teacher, she recently left her job to be a stay-at-home mom and to pursue her love of teaching yoga. She completed her RYT 200 at our very own Life Time Fitness and has a passion for all things health, fitness, minimalist living, and transitioning to a zero-waste lifestyle.

4 COMMENTS

  1. Do you feel you raise your children how you were raised? I have to agree with your Mothers advice. Do you feel your relationship with your Mother/Father/husband help you to be the mother you are? As a young mother of two I find myself making a list on the likes and dislikes of both parents and instilling the likes and trying to avoid the dislikes. Having a rocky relationship with my Mother, I find myself struggling on should I allow her in my children’s lives? Having my second is a struggle because my insecurities creep up more. I want my children to know all family. Maybe this is a postpartum anxiety?

    • Hey Katrina!
      Thanks for the comment. I don’t raise my children at all the way I was raised. My mom tried her best but fell short in a lot of ways. My husband has had the most influence with the type of parent I am (he was raised in a very healthy environment whereas I was not). I made a like and dislike list before I even had kids on what I wanted to be like with regards to how my parents raised me. As far as who has a relationship with my children, my father and his whole side of his family are not allowed contact with my kids. They are so toxic and hurt me in so many ways that I feel it’s best that my children don’t even know they exist. I feel it’ll be more appropriate for my children to know my history with my father when they are older and can comprehend the decision I made for them with regards to not knowing that side of the family. I hope my experience helps you!
      Brittany

      • I couldn’t imagine separating my children from a whole side of a parents family. I understand you saying you feel they are toxic and thats your choice but in my experience and lots of counseling I have learned it takes both sides. My counselor has shown me that I have purposely distanced myself from one side trying to guard my feelings unconsciously. In return I was also hurting them but not seeing their side and hurt. Thank you for your response. I hope you can find the peace like my counselor helped me find.
        I’m currently working on building the relationships with all sides seeing kids can only flourish with everyone’s love. It is a slow process seeing we all have years of hurt on both ends. The great thing about life is we eventually grow and can see both sides of hurt. What one views as a hurt another may not so it’s all about communication. What you view as toxic may be them guarding themselves from being hurt also. I look forward to reading your blog and hopefully I helped some in return.

  2. Comments kind of don’t go with what I see Brittany blogged about. I do feel when anyone in general guard their feelings things can be misinterpreted. Unless everyone comes out and expresses feelings openly then no one can every come together properly. We tend to see the negative and respond negatively without taking the time to understand each other. Most the time parents and children can overcome their obstacles and unite how God intended. I dislike seeing families torn apart when their is always a way to come together. Life is to short. On that note, this conversation is a subject that is great for new mothers with children. It’s a great way to teach them to be open, kind, supportive and think through things before speaking or acting. Always a learning and growing experience especially with growing your family. God bless.

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