Four Dreaded Words
When I was pregnant with our son, I heard variations of “Sleep while you can” more times than I could count, and it made me crazy! Scratch that, it made me angry. The more times I heard it, the more I wanted to unleash all of my pregnant fury on the speaker of those four dreaded words. I am sure everyone who offered up this advice was well meaning. I am sure that they sincerely hoped I would get some rest before spending months waking up with a newborn. What I don’t think they understood, even when I tried to explain it, was that I was not getting any sleep. At all. I gained over 60 pounds during my pregnancy and had severe acid reflux. So, I spent most nights sitting up and hoping to get a few minutes of peaceful rest. I truly slept better after our son arrived than I did during my last two months of pregnancy (unless you count the incredible medically-induced nap I had while waiting for my c-section). I was aware that newborns wake up in the night, without anyone reminding me.
Not the Advice I Was Looking For
Since our little man arrived, I feel that I have received the same type of “advice” that I did in pregnancy — well-meaning but discouraging advice that I would like to propose be eliminated. This includes, but is not limited to . . .
“Enjoy the snuggles, it just gets harder from here.”
“Just wait until he’s two.”
“You think this is hard? Wait until he . . .” and
“I thought that stage was hard, until I got to the next one.”
I know that as mothers these thoughts come quickly when we hear another mom struggling. I know that it is easy to look back and think, If I had only known. But, I think we should make a concentrated effort not to let those thoughts slip out of our mouths. New moms know that the snuggles won’t last forever. They have already heard that two year olds are feisty. And they know that each stage of parenting will come with its own set of challenges.
Encouragement, Not Fear
I truly believe we can encourage each other with phrases that remind other moms to enjoy the here and now without provoking them to dread the future. Statements like,
“Soak up all the snuggles, I miss that time”
“I remember how hard that was, but you can handle it” and
“I know you are struggling but you are a great mom. Call me if you need me” . . . are so much more welcome.
Being a mom is simultaneously the most difficult and most rewarding job in the world. Let’s encourage each other to enjoy it, without fear of the future.
