I Am Not Cool (Anymore)

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Life has many phases. Some are so subtle, it’s hard to know that a phase is even existent. And some are as subtle as a purple giraffe wearing high heels. Years ago, I thought being excited about buying my first washer and dryer set was a crazy phase of adulthood that somehow made me slightly uncool. I look back at that moment and think about how far off the mark I was. I mean, what’s uncool about clean clothes? I guess that time in my life could be considered a subtle stage of adulthood. At that time, I could still relate to the younger generation. I was in my 20’s (I was the younger generation), still single, and I knew who famous rappers were.

Nowadays, I’m in my 30’s, married, and I have no clue who all these rappers are with really hard-to-pronounce names. I guess I am just not cool. It’s not only music I’ve been having a hard time with. It’s fashion (I’m looking at you, Kanye . . . hey! A rapper I know!), it’s trends I just can’t get behind (man buns and coffin nails), it’s slang that all the young whipper snappers are using. I had to Google what a DM (direct message) was while I yelled at children to get off my lawn once. Okay, only that first part is true. My lawn isn’t off-limits to kids . . . yet.

I’ve been trying to ignore all of the glaring manifestations that make up this phase, but it’s painfully obvious that my coolness factor is waning. And I’ll let you in on a little secret . . . I’m unapologetically embracing the un-coolness. I enjoy going to bed by 9:00 p.m., Target is my jam, and I love a coupon. Younger me is hashtag face-palming right now.   

Snapchatting is cool!

When my coworkers (who happen to be in their early 20’s and are kid- and spouse-free) talk about their weekend plans, I usually don’t have much to contribute — not because I don’t have plans. Oh, I have plans! Mama is going to Target to cash in on their Spend-$100-on-Baby-Supplies-Get-a-$20-Gift-Card promo! Pair that with formula rebate checks and the savings of using my Red Card, and I have a little bit of green left over to spend on a bottle of wine. That sounds like a bomb diggity weekend, if I do say so myself. I’ll go ahead and brush my shoulders off like Jay-Z (he’s a famous rapper, if you didn’t know) spits beats about. Is my coolness increasing?  

I was catapulted into this phase by motherhood, but I kind of love it and I can’t believe it all at the same time. I’ve always been the social, glass-of-wine-holding (this still applies), fun-time girl. And that stage of my life was awesome. I have some really great memories from when I used to know who rappers were, but if I compared quality to quantity, this purple-giraffe-wearing-high-heels phase of my life wins, hands down.

And to all the parents who know what I’m talking about, I’ll meet you at The Bulls-eye this Saturday. 😉

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Raised outside of Orlando, Florida, redheaded Melissa is an avid sunscreen and shade enthusiast. She left Florida in 2007 to serve in the United States Air Force as a radio and television broadcaster. After basic and technical training she was stationed in Illinois, South Korea, Italy, and Alabama with two deployments to Iraq and Afghanistan sprinkled in between. In 2013, she met her husband Gregg and in 2015, they were married. This gave Melissa the new title of Bonus Mom to Gregg's daughter, Isabella. That year also welcomed Melissa back into the civilian world as her eight years of service came to a close due to medical retirement. She has called Birmingham home for the past 3.5 years. Shortly after they were married, Melissa and Gregg found themselves wading through the confusing and emotional world of miscarriage and unexplained infertility. They excitedly welcomed a son in November of 2017 after two years of trying for a little miracle. Melissa dedicates her extra time to spoiling their three rescue dogs Ginger, Typsy, and Bruno. She also fosters dogs before they find their furever homes.