The Day That Changed Everything
When I had my first child, my anxiety went through the roof. I imagined every possible scenario in which my child could be injured, and I would go out of my way to prevent anything bad from happening. I thought if I could stay one step ahead, then I could avoid every potential disaster.
That all came crashing down (literally) one winter morning. Let me just set the scene for you. Our family of three were all in the bathroom together early in the morning getting ready for the day. My husband was in the shower I was drying my hair with a very large nine-month pregnant belly, and our two-year old was cheerfully folding washcloths behind me. There was only about a six-inch gap between me (and my belly) and my toddler.
As my husband turned off the shower and opened the door, time seemed to move in slow motion, but at the same time it all happened too quickly to react. The extremely heavy glass shower door came off the hinges, slipped out of his hand, and fell directly in the tiny space between my child and me. It smashed through the bathroom door at the exact level of my son’s head and my pregnant belly, but it miraculously didn’t touch us.
No Longer in Control
I was so disturbed by this. I had never thought to be worried about a door coming unhinged. How many other hazards were lurking out there that I couldn’t possibly imagine? It might sound silly, but for the first time I realized that there were things out of my control. I couldn’t protect us from everything.
It’s been four years since this happened, and it is still seared into my mind. We can do our absolute best to do everything “right,” and still none of us will make it through life unscathed. Ultimately, I had to decide that I would stop letting fear steal my joy. I can wake up each day and pray for safety; I can do my best to keep us healthy, but at the end of the day things are not all in my control. Isn’t that a relief, though? Through my motherhood journey, I have learned that constant worry does not serve me.
Where Do We Go From Here?
We are bombarded with terrible news every single day. Smart phones and social media have given us the whole world, 24/7, in our back pocket, and sometimes (most times?) it all is too much. Therapy can be so helpful to process it all, and we should normalize it for everyone. Think of it like getting well checks at your doctor to stay physically healthy or routine car maintenance to keep things running smoothly. Learn to name your fears. Rationalize that the likelihood of them happening is usually slim. And, ultimately, know that even if your worst fears come to fruition, you can find a way to cope.
I recently partnered with Previa Alliance, where we talk about all things related to motherhood and mental health. Please join me on their podcast where I talk about my own experiences with motherhood, breastfeeding, postpartum anxiety; and working as an RN, doula, and Lactation Consultant. Here is your sign that you don’t have to let fear and anxiety rob you of enjoying your babies. Don’t wait for a shattered shower door like I did.
