Over ten years ago we brought home our first bundle of joy from the hospital. She was pink and soft and perfect; and I was utterly overwhelmed with figuring out how to take care of an infant. I remember being in awe that these lovely, overly trusting “healthcare professionals” were sending this beautiful baby home with obviously underqualified, clueless parents. Were they sure this was such a good idea?
Today, she’s older, sassier, and still a joy. As we enter the tween years, I’m reminded in so many ways of those early days of stressing over whether we were doing it right. The amount of googling, texting friends, crying, and prayer (which should be my first approach but I admit is often not) is reminiscent of the newborn days. Below I’ve written about some ways that raising a tween reminds me of parenting a newborn.
Everything is an experiment.
Those poor first babies. Everything (and I mean everything) feels like an experiment. We need sleep, so let’s try a sleep sack. That didn’t work; let’s try a sleep sack plus an earlier bedtime. Nope, fail. What about an earlier bed time, plus black out curtains, with no sleep sack? Rinse and repeat, for sleep, eating, car rides, the works.
In the preteen years, we’re still experimenting on the poor child. Should we let her go with her friend to that thing? Let’s try these boundaries, but we draw the line here. Hmm, maybe we drew the line a little too close, but that’s ok, we can reevaluate. Can she wear makeup? No. Well, maybe slightly colored lip gloss. Her friend got her ears pierced, but we’re waiting for her 13th birthday. Is this unreasonable? Sleepovers are a no go. Except with that one friend. Maybe. Rinse and repeat.
Sleep is unpredictable.
Speaking of sleep, like a newborn, sleep is hard to predict. My daughter is sleeping in on weekends, unless she’s not. Sometimes she needs to wake up at 6:00 a.m. so she can read or make rainbow loom bracelets in the dark. She is going to bed later, except when she’s tired and grumpy and goes to bed at 7:30 p.m. I think our days of a rigid schedule are over, and while that’s okay, it takes some time for mom to adjust!
Gosh they eat a lot!
Babies eat all the time and gosh, so do pre-teens. Snacks, snacks, snacks. At least she can get the snack herself?!
Snuggling
Newborns want to be held (naps are obviously better on mom or dad’s chest), and my tween also likes to “snuggle,” as she calls it. The motivation appears to be different, though. She wants to talk about life and process her social interactions, feelings, and ideas; but, the way she expresses this is to ask to snuggle. Even kids who are not big on physical touch need time with their parents, ideally one-on-one, to talk about life and to be taught how to think about the world and their experiences. Cuddling is time-consuming, but it’s a wise use of our time, whether the child is a baby or a big kid.
They grow up so fast!
Grandma is right; they really do grow so fast. Babies change quickly (physically) and adolescents change quickly, too (mostly socially and emotionally). Either way, watching them grow, and providing the tools necessary to do so, is both a big responsibility and a tremendous joy.
Every tween is different.
While I think it’s overused, the phrase “every baby is different” is certainly true. Well, I’m here to tell you that every tween is different, too. Just because that strategy worked for a friend doesn’t mean it will work for us. It’s crucial to treat our children as the unique individuals they are while also acknowledging that these tween years bring challenges that are widely experienced by the masses.
There is much grace.
One of my favorite stories in the Bible is in the book of Exodus (chapter 16), where God’s people are wandering in the desert and are hungry (and griping and complaining, even though they were just freed from slavery via the parting of a sea). God provides something they very much need–bread, called manna–each morning. It should also be noted that the manna appears each morning, everyone gets the exact amount they need, and if they try to save it up, it rots and spoils. But, there is fresh manna anew the next day.
Likewise, we receive grace each morning that we need to get through the day, whether it is with a newborn or a tween, a sick kid or a strained relationship. We can’t save up the grace we need for a later date, but there is new grace each and every morning. This is very, very good news, and it is the reason I enter the tween years with grateful confidence. So, even though raising children involves a hefty dose of experimenting, may that experiment be fun, adventurous, and full of much grace.
