Anyone who knows me knows that I have three main obsessions: my son Gabe, college football, and all things Walt Disney. From the theme parks to the merchandise to the classic films, I have loved Disney my entire life. People tease us for vacationing there instead of trying something new. In my career, I routinely reference my experience at the Disney Institute and even the way Walt Disney used storyboarding in his projects. Our sweet son’s wardrobe is probably 50% Disney-related. I cannot help myself – Disney brings me such joy.
One of those classic films that brings me joy is Dumbo. I can remember loving the colorful costumes on the elephants and thinking Baby Dumbo was the sweetest little animal. When Disney first announced a new live-action Dumbo by Tim Burton, I knew I was going to see it as soon as it came out. We did so as a family on opening night. I made it about fifteen or twenty minutes into the movie without tears, but once they started they didn’t stop. This new adaptation had me so emotional, and here’s why.
The story of Dumbo is all about a mother’s love and protection. From his birth, Dumbo is different. He looks different. His walk is different. And yet his mother notices none of that. When she sees him she sees her baby, plain and simple. When people who don’t see what she sees make fun of Dumbo, she rages in to protect him at all costs. When she is separated from him, she tries everything to reunite with him.
“Baby mine, don’t you cry.
Baby mine, dry your eyes.
Rest your head close to my heart,
Never to part, baby of mine.”
When my son was born, early testing in the NICU confirmed that he had extensive brain damage. The doctors told us he would be different, although they were unsure of the severity. As time passed, we realized that our son was on the more extreme end of disability. In the first couple of years, we didn’t experience as much staring because our son was a small child, and not all small children talk all of the time or are walking on the same schedule. But eventually, the lack of typical milestones set our son apart from others and they noticed it.
Some adults stared or would walk away from us, afraid to interact. Children would often ask loudly, “What’s wrong with him?” as their parents ushered them away. I felt deep pain because all I could see was my son, and he’s perfect and beautiful and anyone who knows him loves him. I felt so ferociously protective of him and learned to advocate for him in situations where he was not treated fairly.
As I watched Dumbo go through stares and teasing, I felt that “Momma Bear” passion rising up inside of me. I could experience the same crushing pain as Jumbo when she realized people couldn’t see past her son’s differences. And I thought of all of my mom friends and how we are all the same when it comes to our love for our children. Don’t mess with our babies.
“If they knew all about you,
They’d end up loving you, too.
All those same people who scold you,
What they’d give just for the right to hold you.”
While my life with a child with disabilities may include more stares than some, all of our children will experience the pain of teasing. I don’t believe any children survive childhood without a level of feeling different, not accepted, like an outcast. When those times come, they will have us in their corner. We will see them for who they are, our precious and wonderful babies. And while it will still hurt and they will still feel pain, they will know that they have a mom who would walk through fire for them. And we will fight for them to make it right. We will teach them how to have a voice. And we will teach them to be kind.
My hope is that we can begin to share with our children the way we see them, and make the connection that children they interact with have a mom who sees them that way, too. I hope we can teach our children every single day that different isn’t bad. Different is fun and exciting because it’s new and we don’t understand it. We can learn about those differences and cheer our friends on because of them. And we can model this when we go out into the world every day, because we know they are watching us.
“From your hair down to your toes,
You’re not much, goodness knows.
But, you’re so precious to me,
Sweet as can be, baby of mine.”
