This past spring, my husband and I got the crazy brilliant idea that maybe it was finally time to move out of our beloved Crestwood house. We decided it would be a low pressure, low stress move and that we would take our time finding the right home for our family. We would slowly pack and gently “Marie Kondo” our way through the house. No big deal, right? If you’ve bought and sold a house, especially with kids in the picture, you probably are smirking at my naiveté. The process was no stroll through the park. At times, it was downright painful. Not to mention, I made the significant decision to expand my personal business into a full-time job in the same month. Because why not change everything all at once?!
As much as I hate to admit it, parenting through difficult transitions apparently is not where I shine. I know that my sweet toddler is deserving of more patience while experiencing major changes than what I offered him. But that didn’t prevent me from being snappy and short-tempered when I was literally over my head in boxes. While he probably needed extra love and attention through the transition, I often felt mentally preoccupied and somewhere else other than with him.
Thank You, Daniel Tiger
One morning, our son was glued to a new episode of his favorite show, Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood, while we quickly packed as many boxes as possible around him. If you aren’t familiar with DT, it’s a PBS cartoon about a sweet tiger and his family and friends, based off Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood. They use simple songs to teach important lessons. This particular morning, the song caught me off guard and almost brought me to tears. “Enjoy the wow that’s happening now,” the characters sang. The message was to stop, look around, and enjoy what’s happening in your life in this moment. Not what’s coming next or what better offer may lie ahead. Enjoy the moment as it is. I have no idea if my toddler got the point. But I sure did.
This is not how I had been operating. Instead, I was dwelling first on all of the old memories in our home and all of the attachments I made to it. I also was fixating on where we were going next and worrying about every detail. What I was not doing was enjoying my child, my husband, and all that the present moment had to offer. I was missing out on a lot of small “wows”. I was not paying attention to the joy of chasing fireflies, the sound of toddler laughter, the love around our (cluttered) dinner table. This was such a small but powerful reminder to reconnect with practices that help me stay grounded and grateful.
Transitions in families can be really hard. Whether it’s moving, job changes, additions of new members, changing schools, etc., even positive changes shake up our norm and often untether us from what keeps us grounded. We can get stuck hanging on to the past or anticipating the future, which may leave us absent, mentally and emotionally, in the present. Somehow, where we’re going or where we’ve been can seem more important than where we actually are.
Savor the Moment
While unpacking recently, I found a quote I’ve kept up in my house since the birth of my son: Life, even in the hardest times, is full of moments to savor. They will not come this way again, not in this way. (Paula Rinehart). The much-needed reminder was there again — don’t become too distracted with frustrations and difficulties that you miss out on the “wow”. This quote is back on my fridge to remind me as often as it takes. Truthfully, I’m likely writing this blog post more for me than for any of you.
Maybe, like me, you are going through some transitions and finding yourself stuck in the past or future. Or maybe life is just tough some days. It’s okay to not be okay! But hang on to the the truth that even in our hardest seasons, there are still plenty of beautiful moments to pay attention to. Moments worthy of gratitude. Perhaps you won’t have to wait for an animated tiger to remind you of this simple truth. I hope you enjoy whatever savor-worthy moments that come your way today.
(Many resources exist for practicing presence in parenting. I found the suggestions in this blogpost from “A Fine Parent” especially practical and helpful.)
