Let’s face it. Raising a family is messy. From sports equipment to quickly outgrown clothes to craft and hobby supplies, our family homes can sometimes feel like an episode of Hoarders. Yet, one family’s mess is another family’s treasure, and I don’t believe there is a one-size-fits-all approach to managing the mess. I do, however, believe there are some simple strategies you can apply to help minimize the chaos that mess can cause. Here’s what I suggest:
1. Focus on single areas or problems.
You don’t need to address everything, and you certainly don’t need to address what I would choose. Consider what areas are causing you the most stress and then lean into specific solutions. For example, maybe your kids can never find their sports gear when it’s time for practice or a game. To make this routine smoother, follow a process for every departure and arrival home, such as dropping shoes into a bin inside the garage, putting dirty uniforms into a hamper in the laundry room, and placing clean uniforms in a cubby in the laundry room for easy retrieval. If your children are old enough to play organized sports, they can have a role in getting themselves ready. That’s part of being a team player, and you can teach that lesson before you even leave the house.
2. Focus on the outcomes and not the tools.
It is easy to get caught up in all the amazing organizational tools out there. Just watch The Home Edit or Marie Kondo. You could read Real Simple (all of my personal faves) and drop big cash at The Container Store (another of my faves). But, all of the tools in the world will not control your mess if you are not willing to use them. You want to corral kids’ toys? Look for bins that fit your space, that allow your kids to help clean up, and that fit your budget. You want to reclaim your kitchen cabinets? Look for clear bins and stackable shelves that allow you to see what you have. You have kids’ clothes to keep? Wash and separate by size then look for bins that are right for your storage space and that allow you to label clearly. Whatever your desired outcome, you need to clarify it before investing in storage devices.
3. Focus on making organizing a family responsibility.
Keeping your home less messy is everyone’s responsibility, so do not be shy about asking—okay, demanding—that each family member participate no matter what age. Your littlest ones can take pride in helping clean up their toys before bed each evening. (Yes, I recommend you create the habit of a five-minute clean up as part of bedtime routine.) Your middlers can learn to sort and put away their laundry. Your oldest can make sure kitchen items get back into the right places. (I’m not opposed to labeling shelves in order to help everyone with this.) Your spouse can certainly be supportive and model the mess-management habits you are trying to instill. Lead the way by identifying your problem areas and then leading everyone in the house to use the tools.
What makes me happy
My mess tolerance is very low, and I’m a firm believer that “outer order creates inner calm,” just like author Gretchen Rubin promotes in her book, Outer Order, Inner Calm. When my children were home, I had to create zones where I could allow a mess that didn’t make me anxious every time I saw it. My daughter’s room was a messy zone, and I didn’t choose to fight that. So I closed the door and asked only that food and drink not languish there. She also learned early on that if her soccer uniform remained in her bag, it would not be washed. I think she only wore a dirty, smelly uniform one time before getting on board with making sure it made it to the laundry room.
Staying organized is part of my DNA and it comes naturally to me. I do know, though, that not everyone is wired like me. I have tried to meet my children where they were as they grew up, and now that they are adults, I can see ways they have “inherited” this trait. My son will always be neat and organized; he has been for as long as I can remember. Now that he is married, he is having to learn how to relax and accept his new bride’s love of coffee mugs. My daughter will always be a human storm leaving a wake of clothing in her path. Now that she lives on her own, she is discovering what messes cause her stress and what mess she is comfortable keeping. In the end, taming the physical mess can free up your time for the truly messy and fun parts of parenting, like sibling scuffles, weekends at the ballpark, spontaneous Friday night pizza parties, and whatever adventures life throws your way.
My favorite mess management tools:
- Drawer organizers and dividers
- Lazy Susan bins and trays
- Felt-covered hangers
- Hooks, hooks, and more hooks
- Clear bins
- Label makers
