Mother’s Day :: How to Support Bereaved Moms

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Bereaved Moms

Mother’s Day is that day most moms look forward to. It’s the day when you’ll get a makeshift breakfast in bed consisting of burnt toast, applesauce, and yogurt while you pretend it’s the best breakfast you’ve ever eaten. Your refrigerator will overflow with cards, and the kids bring home craft after craft. But what about the mom who has had to tell a child goodbye? How can you support a bereaved mom on Mother’s Day?

Look, this whole bereaved parenting thing is hard on everyone. I find myself somewhere in the middle since I have two living children and a child who has passed. At times I find myself as the mom enjoying the beauties of motherhood and navigating the day with friends who have no living children, while at other moments I find myself in the role of the grieving mother that my friends with only living children tiptoe around. Hopefully these suggestions will help make the day easier on friends who want to be supportive and also bring a little light to those who are grieving.

1. Acknowledge Them as Mothers

This is especially important if they have no living children. Often, these moms are overlooked either because people don’t think about it or because people don’t know what to say and are scared of hurting them. Let me assure you, they haven’t forgotten and your words won’t make it hurt more. Your silence, however, could cause some hurt. Tell them Happy Mother’s Day. Send a card. Just acknowledge them on this day. Whether they have living children or not, they are still mothers. 

2. Acknowledge the Children They Lost

Speak their names. Make a donation in their memory (we love to make donations to the library in memory of Barrett and other babies). If they have living children, make sure to include the child(ren) they have lost when you speak about the kids on this day. Don’t let the child(ren) they have lost be left out.

3. Don’t Forget Those Longing to be Mothers

I consider those who are longing to be mothers to be included in this list even though they aren’t necessarily bereaved in the traditional sense. Acknowledge their momma hearts. Let them know that you are thinking about them and that you know Mother’s Day can be challenging when you are longing for motherhood.

4. Offer Your Support

Remind them that you are there for them. Ask them if they want to talk. Ask them how they are handling the day. Listen or talk — whatever they may tell you that they need for support.

5. Be Yourself

Don’t ignore them because you are afraid of making their pain worse. Don’t tiptoe around them and avoid the subject of Mother’s Day or their children. They can sense it and see it. Trust me. Just be yourself because that allows them to be authentic as well. 

If they talk about their children and smile, honor their smile. If they cry, honor their tears. If they want to talk, honor their words by listening. If they want to sit in silence, honor them by sitting with them in their grief.

Happy Mother’s Day to everyone with a momma heart.

 

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