Gratitude and Grief :: A Different Thanksgiving

0

gratitude and grief - we celebrated Thanksgiving without my mom as she was at the beside of her dying fatherThanksgiving of 2017 was different. My maternal grandfather had been moved into a hospice facility and, though he was clinging to life, we knew he would not be with us much longer. My extended family lives in North Carolina, so my mom was at my Papa’s bedside there and (per her wishes) my husband, son, and I had Thanksgiving dinner with my dad, brothers, and sister-in-law here in Birmingham. Though we all banded together and came up with a fantastic meal (if I do say so myself), it just couldn’t, shouldn’t, wouldn’t feel right. How do you celebrate while waiting to grieve? How do you enjoy a meal with an empty chair at the table? How do you practice gratitude when the ugly unnaturalness of death is lurking, about to hit you with another blow?

The Worst #TBT

gratitude and grief - a vital loved one missing on my wedding day
Photos by Stacy Richardson Photography

Oddly enough, I did have previous experience with grieving during a celebratory season. My granddaddy passed away in the early hours of my wedding day. After having a moment with my dad, we were actually able to truly enjoy the day. There were obviously moments when the reality of his death would hit, but for each of those moments, there was a beaming face of a loved one there supporting us. On my wedding day I was reminded that, although death is hard and we never stop missing those who have passed, it is vital to enjoy every moment we have with those still with us. This is one of those cliche things that we all know in our heads but we cannot fully comprehend until the reality of loss hits us. So, as hard as that aspect of my wedding day was, it did uniquely prepare me for Thanksgiving last year. Despite the sting of grief, I still got married on August 16, 2014, and danced the night away. We still hugged loved ones from all over the country and could not gratitude and grief - we celebrated and mourned on the same dayhave been more grateful to see them. It was hard, but we celebrated despite our grief because that is what Grandaddy would have wanted. And last Thanksgiving, though it was painful, we still ate good food and had some moments of laughter. We still counted our blessings.

The Empty Chair

Countless families will have an empty chair at their Thanksgiving table this year. The chair may belong to a member of the military. It may belong to a parent or grandparent who has passed away. It may be a highchair intended for a precious baby who never made it home. Are we grateful for the emptiness of those chairs? Never. Death and loss are ugly, unnatural, and unwelcome visitors, especially around the holidays. But, we do have a choice about how we handle the emptiness. We can let it swallow us whole, consuming our joy and leaving us feeling incapable of celebration. Or we can acknowledge our loss while honoring the legacy of those no longer with us. We can be grateful for the time we had with them, tell our best stories about them, and continue to love them in their absence. My grandfather was one of the most patient men to ever walk the earth. As a matter of fact, if you had attended his funeral, you would have heard countless times that he was as close to perfect as one can be this side of Heaven. He was an amazing cook (you can get his dressing recipe for Thanksgiving here) and he was a big practical joker. I will always miss him but he would have wanted gratitude to prevail over grief, not just at Thanksgiving, but every day of the year.

gratitude and grief - memories with a fun granddaddy gratitude and grief - missing a loving granddaddy