I’m a new mom to a beautiful baby boy who’s just about to hit three months old. I’ve gotten into my mommy groove, but back in November . . . well, let’s just say, I probably looked like I was rode hard and put away very wet every.single.day. for a solid 30 days. I was hit hard with the reality of motherhood — a reality I pretty much refused to accept during my pregnancy.
I tried my hardest to filter out the unwarranted advice from others, the anxiety-ridden “what-ifs” and worst-case scenarios that ran through my mind and anything else I deemed unnecessary at the time. I did this to keep myself sane because I was so fearful that something would go wrong with this pregnancy due to my previous two miscarriages. I ended up just blocking everything out and living in a blissful ignorance until it all came crashing down and motherhood smacked me in the face.
Here are a few thoughts that floated through my river of denial:
Psshhht! No sleep?! I’ll get sleep. Babies sleep all day.
I’ll have visitors to help me after he’s born. I’ll be able to get sooooo much done!
I’ll just breastfeed him until I get tired of it.
Then reality happened. Here’s something I jotted down about 2 – 3 weeks into motherhood:
Motherhood is standing in your husband’s too-big sneakers because you needed to grab shoes, any shoes, quickly enough to be able to dart through the back yard after your 90-pound dog that likes to jump the fence (and he’s eyeing that fence a little too much), while watching your son eat from a propped bottle (yes, I propped it and watched him like a hawk because I’m filled with anxiety over something going wrong — see above) and thinking about when you might be able to vacuum or shower next (pick which one is the most important), while also simultaneously shoving spinach salad into your mouth, because you need to lose the extra 20 pounds around your waist, but you also need to eat when you can.
There’s not time for it all and the one important thing that HAS to be done is feeding your child, yet you feel like you haven’t accomplished anything. Then, when he finally goes to sleep and you have a shot at one of those other things on your never-ending and continuously growing list, you catch up on Real Housewives, because not having to feel like a mad woman feels better than the alternative.
Turns out, babies don’t sleep all day. Mine doesn’t, anyway. And even when you have visitors, you can’t stop from running yourself ragged. I’ve always had a problem with delegation. Oh! And guess what? Breastfeeding isn’t easy and some women don’t produce enough milk to keep their babies alive. Almost every thing I was telling myself during my pregnancy was the opposite of what motherhood served to me.
Motherhood has also served me the added responsibility of loving the most beautiful child I’ve ever seen and to love him more than I love sleep (and that’s a lot)! Motherhood has taught me that plans are laughable and cliches are real. This little boy has stolen my heart and though I may no longer sail on that river of denial, I view my new world through rose-colored glasses that were delivered to me the moment I saw his face. And thankfully, I no longer look like I’ve been rode hard and put away wet, or that could be my rose-colored glasses just doing their job for a woman who’s learning every day from the greatest chubby-cheeked love of her life.