Oh, The Things People Say! :: One Mom’s Responses to the Crazy Questions about Adoption

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questions about adoption

As an adoptive mother of triplets, I get questions about adoption and comments about our family all the time. After years of not being able conceive and being asked the usual questions such as, “Are you ever going to have children?” or comments like, “You better hurry, you aren’t getting any younger!”, I thought I was prepared for anything — but apparently not! Below are some of the questions and statements that have been asked/said to me through our adoption and my thoughts on each:

“You are taking the easy way out with no weight gain, no morning sickness, etc…”

Friends, we went through years of heartache, endless stress, and I have cried buckets of tears for years. I watched and celebrated as friends and family had babies and I would have given anything to experience these pregnancy symptoms too, but instead I carried these hopes and dreams of children in my heart and prayers. And then my prayers were answered! 

“What will your baby look like?”

I know people think this is the easy way to ask about ethnicity/race, but come on! It is 2018, why are we having this conversation?! Does the color of my child’s skin truly matter? Will this have any effect on the way you look at them or at me? 

“What are you going to do if your children want to know their ‘real parents’ some day?”

Early in the process, we decided that an open adoption was extremely important to both my husband and myself. This is another story for another day, but we want our daughters to know they are loved while also knowing their history, heritage, and where they came from. I realize an open adoption isn’t for everyone, but what a gift for our daughters and us to have this expansive family full of love?

“How much did they cost?”

I was always taught that you don’t ask questions like this, but I guess people’s curiosity gets the best of them. I can somewhat understand in our situation because of it being triplets, but this is still extremely personal. When is the last time you asked someone how much they make or how much they’re worth? Why in the world would you think it is okay to ask about adoption costs? I will tell you this much about my adoption — it was not three for the price of one!

“Why did their birth parents give them up?”

Again, this is so personal! We have an open adoption and we absolutely love our daughters’ birth parents. They are beautiful, kind, and selfless, and they gave us three of the greatest gifts of our lives. The decision to adopt out their children was theirs, and that decision deserves to be respected. They both love our daughters and through our open adoption, Alie Ana, Alexandra, and Mila will know how loved they are by all of us.

“Did you not want children of your own?”

Yes we did, and we now have them. Have you met my beautiful triplets Alie Ana, Alexandra, and Mila? Just because our daughters are adopted doesn’t mean they are any less ours than biological children. 

“They are so lucky to have you guys.”

Our hopes, dreams, and prayers have been answered times three, so of course I feel like we are the ones who are lucky and have been blessed abundantly. I constantly pray and try to remember that as difficult as this process was for us, it could be just as difficult for our daughters one day too when they begin to get difficult questions.

Questions about adoption - promised, chosen, loved, adopted
Celebrating our Adoption Day in the NICU

Curiosity often gets the best of us and we all get these questions regardless of our situations. As an adoptive mother, I am not the only one who gets these crazy comments. If we haven’t had children by the time we hit our 30’s we get asked “why?” Expectant mothers get comments about how they are carrying their babies like, “I can tell it’s a boy, you are getting wide.” (yes, that was recently said to someone I know!! Wow, right?!) Are any moms exempt from this craziness? Personally, I try my best to handle these situations with grace and these comments have actually become very laughable now. Sometimes I think these questions and comments can be out of innocence, so try your best not to let it hurt your feelings and know that regardless of our situations, we are all in this together. 

What are some of the craziest things that have been said to you during your journey to becoming a parent?

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Becky was raised in the small town of Corner, Alabama just north of Birmingham. She attended Auburn University where she met her husband Adam. After marrying, they moved back to Birmingham and lived in the Mt. Laurel area with their three pups until four years ago when they relocated to Dallas, Texas where life took a triple-sized turn. In February 2018, their prayers were answered when they welcomed triplet daughters, Alie Ana, Alexandra, and Mila into their family. Through years of prayer, struggles, and the beauty of adoption, God grew their family larger than they had ever hoped or dreamed. As of May, they are proud to set their roots back in the Birmingham area again and to be surrounded by wonderful family and friends. Becky is learning the balancing act of working a full-time job, raising triplets, taking care of three dogs, and being a wife; but through God's grace, she finds joy in the chaos everyday. You can keep up with all this craziness on Instagram @reesetriplets.

6 COMMENTS

  1. Love it! I understand the crazy questions too from going through infertility. I’ve been asked if they are really mine …. Well, yes they are. And then want to know all the details of how we got pregnant. And still even after I’ve had two, and did infertility for both, I get asked all the time when there will be a third. But you know what, my friends who have 3 kids get asked all the time how they can deal with 3. There’s no end to the questions from the peanut gallery. 🙂

    • “Are they really your children?” Wow I am sorry you get asked these questions and then the additional questions about all the details!! I guess the questions never really stop for any of us! I am so glad we can share our experiences and support/encourage each other through these sometimes difficult and awkward situations.

  2. I love those beautiful triplets like they were my very own grand babies. I followed the process that Adam and Becky went through and I can honestly say that this is a blessing X three for everyone involved. The babies are absolutely precious!

    • You are a blessing to us!! We are so blessed to have had all of your love and support through the entire process. We couldn’t have made it through all of the hard days without so many people lifting us up in prayer, loving us and encouraging us.

  3. Thanks so much for sharing your experience Becky! Having multiple friends who have adopted, their similar stories always blow my mind… as well as some of the questions I have gotten about my friends that other people were too afraid to ask themselves! As far as my own parenthood journey, my husband and I waited almost 9 years before become parents, and we got questions ALL THE TIME. His favorite response was to tell people how much fun we were having “practicing” getting pregnant. I was a bit more modest in my response! Then I was amazed at how many times I was asked while still pregnant if I wanted to have another. Can I please get through #1 first?! You’re right that most of the time I think people mean well, we just often get caught in our own head and don’t think about the ways in which our words can impact other people. Thanks for the reminder to be considerate.

    • Ok, I absolutely love your husband’s response, I am sure it was super quick and unexpected! I also would have loved to hear the responses to that comment and seen the look on their faces! People already ask us if we want more and are shocked when I say yes!! All of these questions and comments have definitely made me more aware of the things that I say.

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